Praying For Patience

On some days  I think I have the patience of a saint. No matter what the kids do, what they spill, or break, or say, I keep calm. I smile and use the quiet but assertive tone that says "I love you and you can trust me to know what's best for you". When that happens I usually see the kids respond in amazing ways that make me think I could have 5 more kids and be just fine. They are a source of joy for me.

Then I have days like today. I woke up already slightly irritated (and sleep deprived) and the kids seemed to wake up the same way. The whining started as soon as their feet hit the floor and before I had coffee and read my Bible. By the end of the day I just wanted to hide in my closet and hope my husband took over before I started crying in front of the kids (he did, bless that man). Not the kind of day I'm proud of.

I want to be around my children and not secretly be thinking about what else I could be doing. I want to listen to them and give them my full attention. I long to listen eagerly while they tell me about what is happening in a make believe game they are playing. I want to play with them gladly and not see it as a huge chore.  I want to cherish every minute of their youth and know they feel valued. I want to do the opposite of what I have been doing.

Yesterday was the exact opposite from today. I played with my daughters and gave them my full attention (my son was with his biological mother). That afternoon my mother took Aurora while Abby napped and I got A TON of cleaning and organizing done. The night before I had cleaned as well as shampooed my carpet in the living room. I stayed calm when the kids became disobedient or emotional and ended the day joyful.

Yesterday I felt like super-mommy. Today I feel like a failure. It's nice to know I'm neither.

For some reason I always forget that, during the tough times, you can pray to God for patience and He will answer you. We were not meant to parent using our skills alone. God is the ultimate Father. He gave us our children; He will help us raise them. He answers our questions and gives us the tools necessary to raise up our children in Him. None of us are perfect so when we try to do something on our own we almost always fail. Why is it so many mothers think the scripture, "Apart from God we can do nothing (John 15:5)" does not apply to parenting? Because of this, I am revising my beginning steps to becoming a super-mommy.

Super-mommy Steps (Revised):
1) Seek God in everything
2) Stop obsessing about cleaning
3) Play with my kids
4) Stop getting mad at my kids

Today has humbled me, but I feel encouraged (kind of) in that even at my worst my kids still long to be around me and tell me they love me. They are so wonderful and full of Christ-like love that when I fall off the "horse" I want to get back up for them. In an attempt to  have someone hold me accountable and at the same time help me I am looking for a mentor. A married Christian woman with a large family who follows the traditional values I hold. A woman who is older than me and more successful at homemaking than I am. I know God will lead me to her, and I can only hope she's patient enough to deal with me.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5