Praying For Patience

On some days  I think I have the patience of a saint. No matter what the kids do, what they spill, or break, or say, I keep calm. I smile and use the quiet but assertive tone that says "I love you and you can trust me to know what's best for you". When that happens I usually see the kids respond in amazing ways that make me think I could have 5 more kids and be just fine. They are a source of joy for me.

Then I have days like today. I woke up already slightly irritated (and sleep deprived) and the kids seemed to wake up the same way. The whining started as soon as their feet hit the floor and before I had coffee and read my Bible. By the end of the day I just wanted to hide in my closet and hope my husband took over before I started crying in front of the kids (he did, bless that man). Not the kind of day I'm proud of.

I want to be around my children and not secretly be thinking about what else I could be doing. I want to listen to them and give them my full attention. I long to listen eagerly while they tell me about what is happening in a make believe game they are playing. I want to play with them gladly and not see it as a huge chore.  I want to cherish every minute of their youth and know they feel valued. I want to do the opposite of what I have been doing.

Yesterday was the exact opposite from today. I played with my daughters and gave them my full attention (my son was with his biological mother). That afternoon my mother took Aurora while Abby napped and I got A TON of cleaning and organizing done. The night before I had cleaned as well as shampooed my carpet in the living room. I stayed calm when the kids became disobedient or emotional and ended the day joyful.

Yesterday I felt like super-mommy. Today I feel like a failure. It's nice to know I'm neither.

For some reason I always forget that, during the tough times, you can pray to God for patience and He will answer you. We were not meant to parent using our skills alone. God is the ultimate Father. He gave us our children; He will help us raise them. He answers our questions and gives us the tools necessary to raise up our children in Him. None of us are perfect so when we try to do something on our own we almost always fail. Why is it so many mothers think the scripture, "Apart from God we can do nothing (John 15:5)" does not apply to parenting? Because of this, I am revising my beginning steps to becoming a super-mommy.

Super-mommy Steps (Revised):
1) Seek God in everything
2) Stop obsessing about cleaning
3) Play with my kids
4) Stop getting mad at my kids

Today has humbled me, but I feel encouraged (kind of) in that even at my worst my kids still long to be around me and tell me they love me. They are so wonderful and full of Christ-like love that when I fall off the "horse" I want to get back up for them. In an attempt to  have someone hold me accountable and at the same time help me I am looking for a mentor. A married Christian woman with a large family who follows the traditional values I hold. A woman who is older than me and more successful at homemaking than I am. I know God will lead me to her, and I can only hope she's patient enough to deal with me.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

Pool Fun

I definitely made progress today! I would call it a 90% success. The kids behaved wonderfully...for the most part. A little bit of whining towards the end of the day, but that's to be expected with a 4 and 5 year old. We started the day with a breakfast of their choice and devotionals. I cuddled my kids while we watched movies, sat with Chris while he played Mario Kart (I'm still not asked to play), played My Little Ponies/stuffed animals with Aurora, cuddled and played with Abby, and at no point did I clean besides a quick pick-up that took maybe 4 minutes. I did not even touch my kitchen post-dinner until after they went to bed. I made sure I made my time about them. Around 3pm the kids asked to play in the blow up swimming pool we bought them yesterday. Usually I would have said no without hesitation. It's summer in central Texas...it's reeeally hot. Instead I told them to give me a minute while I thought about it. I asked myself what good reason I had for saying "no" besides me just not wanting to go outside. I came up with nothing. So I told them to get their bathing suits while Daddy and I blew up the pool.

Here I need to interject something. The makers of these rather large blow up pools need to come up with some inexpensive air pump that does it for you. We tried blowing up this pool ourselves and were quickly out of breath with almost nothing to show for it. We used a hand-held air pump that did absolutely no good. If it wasn't for our amazingly awesome neighbors lending us their tire air pump thing we would probably have spent a good three hours blowing up the pool via lung power.

The kids had a blast in that pool even though it was in the low 100's and we had no shade (I made sure to lather them in sunscreen). They had water gun fights, jumped up and down to make big splashes, and towards the end my husband decided to join them even though he was still in his normal clothes. I would have loved to join but I was holding Abby, our 1 year old, and she hates the water. She was sprayed with a water gun (it barely got her wet) and she immediately started to cry. So for today I enjoyed their happiness and contagious laughter from 10 feet away. Next time we do this I hope to put Abby down for a nap so I can join in the fun! The kids will definitely remember today.

The reason I call today a 90% success is because yesterday I told myself I would not get on my iPad unless the kids were not wanting my attention. When I first got on my iPad to read my favorite blog today the kids were busy. Aurora was watching a movie on Netflix, Chris was playing the Wii, and Abby was asleep. I wasn't breaking my rules. Well, after about 20 minutes I was really into the blog post and Aurora decides she wants my attention. Reverting to bad habits I either half-listened to her or told her to wait while Mommy finished reading. Once I realized I was doing this (about 15 minutes later) I got off of the iPad and focused on the kids again. A small slip-up, but one that I at least caught and corrected.

I plan to continue putting my kids desires before my own, but I also want to add something more to my super-mommy list for tomorrow. I want to stop getting mad at my children. Kids make mistakes, that's part of growing up and learning right from wrong. If they never did anything wrong, well, they wouldn't be human. So why am I always surprised when they do something they're not supposed to? Correction and appropriate discipline are necessary, but I don't need to become upset. They respond better to a calm, patient, rational response anyway. Anger and frustration are selfish responses, portraying myself and flawless and them as flawed. I don't want them to get that impression at all. I'm not perfect, and they're not expected to be perfect. We only gain perfection through Jesus Christ.

Thank you, Jesus, for today and the improvements I am making for my children.

Super-mommy Steps:
1) Stop obsessing about cleaning
2) Play with my kids
3) Stop getting mad at my kids

Ok, one thing I have to brag on. Today while the kids were playing in the pool Chris told Jordan and I that he wanted to get baptized. At first I didn't think he was serious because I was recently baptized in a swimming pool and figured he was just wanting to mimic me. His comment stayed with me, though, so I asked him later why he wanted to be baptized. He said, "Because I love God and want to be with Him forever". Aw! He then melted my heart when he asked me to be the one to do it. Absolutely! I am so proud of my little boy. He has such a good heart and loves to pray. In the past I would have said that 5 years old is too young to know what it means to give your life to God. With Chris, though, he knows what living like Jesus means and talks about it all the time. He knows what he's doing :) My little boy is growing up.

Jordan, Aurora and Chris enjoying the pool.

 

First Fail Before I Began

Yesterday I realized that, while writing my first blog about trying to become a better mommy, I told my children multiple times to not bother me because I was busy. Wow, major fail. But it made me realize something about myself. I am very one track minded and have a hard time letting anything disrupt me. Unfortunately, that includes my children wanting attention. I too often let my wants and desires come before theirs. That needs to stop. So I have come to the first step of becoming a super-mommy. Part one: stop being so concerned about entertaining myself. Life isn't about me. This means I will limit the time I spend browsing Facebook or reading blogs to when my kids are occupied and do not desire my participation (like when Chris and Aurora are playing together or Abby is napping. Hannah is still in the NICU). Part two: play with my kids more. Let me stop here and say that I know many moms will read this and not understand how a mother would even need to list this as a step. I know it should be obvious, playing with your kids, but frankly it doesn't come naturally to me. I remember being a kid and not understanding why my mother didn't know how to play Barbies. I mean, how hard could it be? Why did she prefer to just dress them in their nice clothes, brush their hair, and set them up on a shelf? Now I totally get it. I can watch my kids play, talk to them about their game, but I am at a loss as to how I should play with them. I try, don't get me wrong, I'm just no good at it. Aurora loves playing My Little Ponies and wants me to play with her. I end up just sitting there, holding one of the reject ponies, while she has them interact with each other. Occasionally I will have my pony move around until she informs me that I'm "doing it wrong". ::Sigh:: I'm no better with Chris. He loves video games (and is really good at them). I'm not a fan of video games but caved and got him Mario Kart for the Wii. I thought to myself, "He is only 5 and can come in first place. I should be able to give him a run for his money". Um...not quite. Our first race together I came in dead last. Dead last doesn't even begin to explain how "last" I was. I was almost a full lap behind the character that came in 11th place. We even own the wheel controller so people of all ages can play. Honestly it was embarrassing. He just asks me to watch him play now.

Why does playing with my kids come so hard to me? Not only is it frustrating, it's harmful to my kids' perception of me. I truly want to play with them, want them to know I value them and treasure our time together. They are only little for a short period of time. They grow up far too fast to let these days go by with me being more concerned about cleaning or surfing the internet than making memories with my children. The dishes will still be there after they go to bed. My house wont collapse if I skip laundry for a day or two. Luke 12:34 says "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." I need to seriously think about what I have made my treasure. A woman must first love God, then her husband, then her children. Her duties and responsibilities might include housekeeping and maintaining the home, but that is not where her heart lies. Children are a treasure from the Lord, a reward that should be valued and cared for. I need to remind myself of this throughout the day. Starting tomorrow (since they are already in bed tonight) I will make a point of putting down the iPad, putting down my phone, getting down on the floor with them and playing whatever they choose. I will make memories with them and make sure they know they are loved and valued. That's my first step to becoming a super-mommy.

What am I doing?

On June 5th I sat in the recovery room at our local hospital after giving birth to mine and my husband's fourth child (including my step son). Christopher (5), Aurora (4), Abigail (13 months) and Hannah, our newborn. As I thought about this I realized something frightening. I have no clue what I'm doing as a parent. I am 24 with four children! Five years ago I was living life for myself alone, selfish and carefree as most teens have a tendency to be. Four years ago I was a single mom, but still selfish. Three years ago I was married with a daughter and step son and getting a handle on what life is really like. I was in college, making excellent grades, and had high ambitions. Two and a half years ago I gave my life to Jesus (finally!) and started to realize that life wasn't about me. What a wake-up call that turned out to be! August 2011 I became pregnant with our third child. I was still in school and was determined to have a successful career and make lots of money (I hadn't quite learned the true meaning of life). When our third daughter was 4 1/2 months old my husband and I discovered I was pregnant yet again. At this point I should mention that my husband was preparing to get a vasectomy. We thought we were done having children. Realizing I was pregnant yet again made me sit back and reevaluate my life. In a very short time I had gone from being single with no real life plan (and, honestly, a dislike of children) to being a soon-to-be mother of four. I never expected my life to look like that. As the saying goes, I told God my plans and He laughed at me. I now had a choice to make. I could continue going to college, get my PhD, and get a well-paying career. This choice would also mean that my whole day would be devoted to schooling and my family would be ignored or get only the tired, stressed version of me. The other choice was to drop out of school and devote myself to my family wholly. To become a ::gasp:: stay at home mom. The very notion would have made me nauseated just a year prior. Now I saw two paths before me, and I sought God on His will. I called, He answered, and in obedience I dropped out of college. Unexpectedly, I felt excited and joyful. In my all-or-nothing personality type I decided I was going to be the best stay at home mom I could be. I then proceeded to become obsessed with cleaning (especially after we bought our first house while I was pregnant with number four). My children were still not getting the best of me, and my husband was mostly left alone to fend for himself. Not a very good stay at home mom attitude. God, always faithful and present, saw my weakness and led me to a short term series of mothers classes at our church called Nest. To sum my Nest experience up, I realized that I was failing in almost every category of a Proverbs 31 woman. I decided to, again, become the best stay at home mom I could be. I had high ambitions and even a half thought out game plan. It lasted for about 2 weeks, and I started focusing on cleaning again. What can I say, it was the easiest task to manage. The dishes don't talk back. At about 31 weeks pregnant I saw my failure and told God that this time I was going to do it right. I would seek His will daily, stop ignoring my kids so I could browse Facebook and read novels, and I would get my act together before Hannah was born. Well, Hannah came a week later, 8 weeks early. No more excuses, no more procrastinating. I could almost hear God telling me to stop talking about what I was going to do and to start doing it. I am finally accepting the challenge to become a super-mommy and a true Proverbs 31 woman. My family deserves the best and I want to do right by them and by God. There is no one in my life that I can really model myself after because I don't know many stay at home moms. Thankfully, the internet is full of amazing stay at home mom blogs and ideas on how to make your family function smoothly. I already have a million ideas of what I'd like to do, but being rational, I think starting slowly is the key to success this time around. This blog is partly to hold me accountable in my aspirations, partly to record what I foresee to be a series of interesting adventures, and also to help any other prospective super-moms out there who are looking for ideas just like me. I plan on posting every success and failure in a spirit of honesty. I am flawed but made perfect in Jesus, and He thankfully forgives our sins and failures.

Also, if anyone has any advice or tips on getting closer to being a super-mom, feel free to comment and tell me. I'm open to suggestions! Honestly, I need all the help I can get.

Below: Hannah and I in her "room" at the NICU